bang BANG.

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bang; BANG; boom;

Not all murders have a motive
This one certainly didn't

We've reached the end of the road
Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for the ride

vendredi, novembre 21, 2008

Life has been . different these past weeks. Most of the time, it's just the mother and me with the younger sister occasionally rewarding us with a blast of pmsy fire-breathing mood swings.

Okay, maybe I may have contributed some to that fire.

Sometimes I feel sad and lonely when no one calls but at the same time, I get snappy and pissy at anybody who dares to call.

Never...

And I mean, NEVER ..

Call when I'm sleeping cos I'll end up cursing you for the next 3 hours or so.

Call when I'm doing my work (which happens to be 90% of my time spent awake)

Call when I don't feel like answering the phone... (which happens to be 100% of the time)

But other than that, I feel like I can really live in this silence. The empty house to say goodbye to when I leave for school.... and the empty house to greet when I come back from school. GIves me some space to think and do my own things. But hey, that's just the antisocial in me speaking.

The social side of me (insignificant as it may be) is depressed. I have had an unhealthy overdose of conversations with the mother. Not that that's anything bad or negative, it's just that she's the only one I can talk to in the house... and I don't think urging the 2 turtles to eat their veggie is counted as talking.

Assesment week in school means that I only get out of the house to school only twice this week and even then, the only person I talk to is the teacher and maybe one random friend and maybe the occasional random pakcik at the bus stop who was telling me his life story as a draughtsman, drawing up building plans.

Yes. In case you're wondering, you're right.

I attract random people, like the Indian lady on the train who wants to make her passport which she had lost somewhere, the Makcik in the lift who offered me a lift to my driving lesson, the Banquet aunty who interviewed me on the cost of dental brace that her teenage daughter wanted to get, .. oh yes .. that's not the end. I wouldn't be able to finish the whole list, I assure you. In my short nineteen years, I've had so many strange encounters of random people chatting me up.. but haha, they're never the right sort, get what I mean? (:

Well anyway . My point is that. Life has gotten into an impossible routine. Wake up, do work, dinner, sleep .

I need some excitement in my life. But somehow, it's a routine I could get used to.

Haha. I can live like this.

>7:57 PM

samedi, novembre 15, 2008

I don't know if they know, but life is not always about the pretty roses and happy sunshine. It's not always a box of chocolates. It can be hard. And depressing. And the never ending rain may sap the happy daylights out of people . But hey, that's life, right?

I know it's stupid, and I never really cared much before but there have been times when my thoughts fly to that dusty old piano with its sticky F keys and stubborn A# and distinctly questionable sound quality. And my fingers itch to play a tune or two, no matter that my standard has now surpassed even the lousiest beginners in terms of lousiness. I never even had the chance to give it a proper goodbye. I promised myself to give it one last run; to let my fingers slide along the smooth yellowed keys one last time; to remember the last goodbye.

But days passed by... and one day, it was just .. gone, leaving a gaping emptiness in the living room of the house, leaving a gaping emptiness in our lives. And a huge regret on my part.

Whenever I played it, I liked to imagine my father touching the same keys. A stupid melancholic thought, but I still believe that maybe, deep beneath the keys, his DNA still lies. And I used to think that this was the only way I could reach out to him. The only legacy that still remained.

And now it's gone... leaving us to grapple with the loss.

Perhaps it is now time to rewrite a new legacy.

>9:58 AM

mercredi, novembre 12, 2008

Many many many butterflies in my stomach.

sto

macha

che

I hope I've prayed hard enough this time around.

>12:18 AM

samedi, novembre 01, 2008

It's difficult to explain how betrayed I feel.

It's one of those times when I feel like screaming, "YOU CHEAT MY FEELINGS!!" but can't.

I really think that people should stick to their words. It actually, really, truly, honestly can be hurtful when people go back on their words. And I hate to feel like the butt end of the joke.

It never fails to feel like the joke's on me.

And they wonder why I feel so insecure half the time.

You know how life is like, when you turn your back and you expect people to be laughing at you.

It just shows one sad sad reality; that no one can be trusted after all.

It's like people going . "HAHA! You fell for that stupid joke!"

Only difference is that they do it. Time and again .

And you're just the stupid ass . Yet again.

Yes. I know it may be time.

And yes it's stupid to get so emotionally attached to an inanimate object.

But I believe there is no f*cking way we'd part with it had idiots not made empty promises.

I feel like such a fool to have trusted this.

Never again.

Call me insolent, rude, idiotic, whatever your vocabulary can offer.

Just don't expect me to trust you again.

>7:16 PM