It's interesting how something you used to care shitloads about suddenly gets bumped into perspective because of one small little thing.
Like how something that used to radiate so much heat barely sizzles now. (:
Anyway, I've been reading and hearing a lot about people blaming terrorism on Islam.
Well, no one needs to say it out explicitly.
It's all over the media, anyway.
A lecturer was once giving a lecture on Religion and going on and on about how Islamic fundamentalism is the root of terrorism and then added, as a side note (one that lasted at most, 5 seconds),
"Of course, I'm not saying that Islam is a violent religion, alright? In fact, Islam promotes peace."
And then I'm wondering.
How many of these people are actually going to grow up and remember what she said for 5 seconds in an hour long islamism=terrorism lecture?
Well, at least she bothers to clarify that.
Even if it was just a 5 second phrase.
(New York, July 30, 2007) – Violent Islamist groups in the Philippines have killed or injured more than 1,700 people in bombings and other attacks since 2000, Human Rights Watch said in a new report and photo essay released today. The attacks, mostly in Mindanao, Basilan, Jolo, and other southern islands, have also included kidnappings, executions, and shootings.
(Human Rights Watch )
I get irritated whenever I read about fellow Muslims killing other people.
If that's the way they do it, then, why, the whole bloody world wouldn't have a problem believing Islam to be a pro-violence religion!
But anyway, take note, they said, Islamist.
I really was doubtful if Islamist was supposed to be a negative term to describe terrorists.
It's like calling people Hinduists, or maybe, Catholicist.
I don't see anything wrong with that, do you?
Then WHY does the word Islamist have such a forboding nature to it?
Just the word conjures up images of bloody mangled bodies, I'm sure.
The media portrayal of Islam, I believe is rather unjust.
Seriously, think about it.
I'm a Muslim myself.
But that doesn't mean that I shoot people for fun.
Just to prove my point;
American Heritage Dictionary
Is·lam·ism (ĭs-lä'mĭz'əm, ĭz-, ĭs'lə-, ĭz'-) Pronunciation Key
n.
An Islamic revivalist movement, often characterized by moral conservatism, literalism, and the attempt to implement Islamic values in all spheres of life.
The religious faith, principles, or cause of Islam.
Is·lam'ist adj. & n.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved
>5:03 PM
Don't ask me for reasons to explain my actions.
(I think it's too late at night for me to come up with a non-emo post, so therefore, i apologise beforehand)
I feel uneasy most of the time. Like, in this precariously balanced position.
And it takes all my energy to ensure I don't fall over the cliff and break my head on the jagged rocks below. Sure, there's a possibility I'll survive the fall. But what is the probability of that happening? More like next to impossible.
And I'm not even talking about academic shit now. So upsetting is this feeling that I get sudden impulses to kick and punch every few seconds. Like, I have to keep moving so the unease doesn't feel too bad. If I keep moving, keep walking. Whatever it takes to keep my mind off my mind, in other words, I feel fine.
A false sense of security, maybe.
Maybe if maybe, they just stop being so naggy, maybe then I'd have less angst in me.
And it's my ego talking again.
-.-
>12:21 AM
"A man who kills a man, kills a man;
But a man who kills himself, kills all men.
As far as he is concerned, he wipes out the world."
- G.K. Chesterton
But a man who kills himself, kills all men.
As far as he is concerned, he wipes out the world."
- G.K. Chesterton
I haven't been contemplating suicide, no don't worry!
I'd just been reading Mishima's Sword by Christopher Ross.
The book, although started off slowly and rather monotonously, turns out to be quite a funny read in the middle.
I guess one just needs to get used to the writing style of Ross.
Anyway, the book is about a Japanese writer, apparently the first Japanese writer to write in English; Yukio Mishima.
Mishima is an eccentric person who lives by nationalistic ideals and apparently, a strong follower of bushido, i.e. all things samurai-related.
Although according to most, he's hopeless at sword wielding, he still managed to cut his stomach open with a sword.
Yes, hara-kiri.
First ever known writer to die in such a manner, and what more, in the twentieth century!
He was a traditionalist, strongly opposing changes and westernisation.
'If Mishima were still alive,' wrote Ross at one point, 'he would have been outraged at the rate with which Japan is absorbing western culture.'
The book itself focuses on the sword used in the particular bloody act.
For the uninitiated and clueless, hara-kiri is the act of Japanese suicide but with honour.
Honour, for them, is a very very very important value, godknows in the samurai days, people killed just for the sole purpose of preserving their honour.
So yes, suicide, despite its morbid nature, is a way to regaining honour lost, preserving honour facing threat or usually, to show sincerity.
The logic is that because the stomach is the root of all feelings and not the heart, it's only right to cut open the stromach as a show of courage and sincerity.
And they have a specific way of doing it, too, and I shan't go into detail about that, just so your breakfast doesn't end up on the computer screen.
But no matter how fascinating it is to think up ways to die (or kill, for that matter), death still remains as a somewhat incomprehensible subject.
No one can truly say they know death.
"Death is not an event in life;
we do not live to experience death.
If we take eternity to mean not infinite temporal duration,
but timelessness,
then eternal life belongs to those who live in the present."
- Wittgenstein, Tractacus Logico-Philosophicus
Libellés : death, Mishima's Sword
>9:25 AM
I just found out something intriguing.
Okay, not really intriguing if you think about it.
But anyway,
The school servers has banned friendster!
This fact just makes me want to roll around on the floor laughing my ass off. (:
What else will they ban, I wonder?
First it was youtube.
Now friendster.
I don't think it'll be long before they resort to banning hotmail.
And probably give a lame excuse like, "oh! All your spam and junkmails gets latched onto school systems and slows it down!"
Like, wtf?
Ahh. But whatever, it's fine with me.
It only means I don't get to glare at people browsing through friendster openly when there is a mile long queue of people wanting to print notes.
No loss there. I could always do with less contortions done to my face; it makes wrinkles appear!!
Okay, ignore that last bit, (my hedonistic self-absorbed alter ego again)
Speaking of self-obsession, I think I'm becoming more of that lately.
Maybe not to the point of obsession.
but defeinitely hovering dangerously close.
I don't know what's wrong with me but I feel very depressed everytime I set foot on the sch0ol compound.
like it's been jinxed or something.
I feel tired but then again, that's an understatement.
My indefatigable self has faded into oblivion, so much so that I keep wondering...
I know that I'm usually optimistic about things and generally not moody, but I can't help myself these days.
My mother kept telling me things I didn't want or need to hear.
And they're not even academically related to school.
She wouldn't let me live in self-denial, which is really, the path I'd choose any day.
I'd choose indifference and self-denial a hundred times over opening the pandora box.
But now that it's been opened, there's nothing much I can do to stop it from wreaking havoc in my mind.
It borders on paranoia, I suppose, but with a hundred times of insecurity.
I find little things that I never cared about hurting me deeply.
Have I gone soft?
Dread fills me when that question surfaces in my mind.
Inner insecurities have double, tripled, ah, multiply my former state of mind by a hundred times of insecurity and doubt and negativity and you get a figure somewhere near the current one.
It seems awfully strange though that this feeling, despite its somehow ominous and threatening shadow, does nothng to impede my studying momentum.
Not that there's much to begin with...
But you get the picture.
I'm hoping it'll pass.
Maybe all I need are some nonsensical MSN conversations with Christine, Ben and the like to inject some sense into what has become of my life. (:
>10:02 AM
Apart from what I'd been telling everyone else, somehow, my Saturdays aren't exactly very loserrific.
Despite spending close to 15hours in school every single weekday, I can still find it in myself to resist the temptation to turn into an all-out zombie.
Although, I do realise some people actually want to turn into hardcore muggers with nothing better to talk about over lunch than math tutorials.
But nah, that's against my nature.
I don't deny that there is a possiblility I will eventually join them in that inevitable phase of life.
But as far as possible, I want to try to keep my sanity.
I spent the whole Saturday out and about.
To piano lessons (banging Tchaikovsky this time)
Then to Tampines gym with the younger sister (despite the obvious limp due to torturous physio session on Thurday)
And then home to get clothes to go climbing!! (:
(while younger sister go bangs jazz)
To climbing!!
Then to Marina to meet longlost cousins I only meet once in a decade.
(who sooo happens to remind me of some B*****D I used to know)
Then to ECP for a sleepy late dinner.
Then home.
Anyway.
I was almost ecstatic that it stopped raining at yishun.
It kept raining, then stopped, then rained again.
I'd have killed myself if I were confined to bouldering yet again because of the unfortunate weather.
But anyway, back to my point.
I climbed the 25m!! (:
but I didn't reach the top. x(
(okay, THINK before you start commenting about how lousy I am,
and that you could have done so much better.
I was aching from physio AND gyming in the morning,
plus! 25 m ain't exactly that short, if you realise.)
Just so you get an idea how high it is...
Yes, I was only 5-6 panels away from the top,
and when Ian wa s lowering me, I felt like crap for giving up befre reaching the top.
I won't give excuses but my knee ain't exactly feeling good throughout the climb.
I had to keep relying on the left.
But no worries, I will complete this wall!
hahah! Watch this space! (:
The younger sister didn't manage to overcome the 25m wall either.
But she did complete this wall though..
This, despite its somehow ominous-looking height, only comes up to 18 metres.
And no, it's not easy.
One day, I assure you, ONE DAY, I will attempt this wall.
Freaking inverted 25m of torture.
One day, I'll come back for you. (:
Maybe after getting the cert as the older sister had promised.
And about 2 years of experience. Hahah!
Ambitious eh? (:
Libellés : rock-climbing
>6:54 PM
I've just about realised that I don't quite fancy being friends with almost half the population of kids in school.
Not that I'm actually friends with them.
In fact, most of the time, I dislike them just because.
I don't have a particularly good reason why, it's just, plain dislike.
I mean dislike as in, I don't like you but that's maybe because I don't know you.
Or it could also mean I don't like you because I don't like the look you give.
Or the smell that you give off.
Or even, the air you seem to give off.
I've branded people arrogant, stuck-up, annoying, act-cute and a whole collection of colourful negative terms.
And this I do quite unconsciously and very very very much liberally.
Yes, I am rather generous with these names.
But most of the time though, these words stay in my head, to be kept in a certain databank, that's doomed to rot for all eternity, unless otherwise proven.
There are too many times when I suddenly realise, that, hey, this girl's not so mean after all!
or say, Wow! I didn't know that android of a guy was capable of human emotions!
I do realise the way I'm doing things, I'm being very judgemental, and I wonder what happened to my old indifferent positive self?
(eaten by the monster of educational requirements, no doubt)
It's not easy trying to maintain neutrality in a world that is so full of prejudice and discrimination.
Okaaayy, now this is sounding more and more like a GP essay, let's steer off this back to the main point shall we?
Anyway, my main point is that we should all stop judging people by the character they seem to portray but instead focus on bringing out the character that they are.
And I'm going to start by burning that databank of negativities in the dusty crevices of my brain.
(:
>9:42 AM
I figure now's not the time to fret about odd little things that make up my otherwise nondescript life.
because well, right now, I have to get my priorities straight.
Deena asked me a question,
"Is it inevitable to lose friends when you're busy mugging your ass off?"
Well, dearest Deen, it most certainly ain't impossible.
(:
But I'm hoping I don't turn into a kind of recluse,
and lose the best part about my personality which is being carefree. (:
Oh, and Christine, you are not allowed to make any comments about the association of the word K**** with my personality, thanks. XD
I'm taking a step back from all my worldly obligations, which actually, in my book, translates to shifting priorities.
There's less time to play, less time for fun and games.
but I don't necessarily have to starve myself of all forms of entertainment, (:
I certainly am not intending to turn into a kind of nun, if you get what I mean. ^^
I'm confused and very very extremely apprehensive about the kind of future that I want for myself.
The way I see it, I've got 3 roads to choose from, and it just so happens that the only difference between all three is the geographical distance from home.
I get to choose whether I want to break away totally, partially, or not at all.
It's a daunting task, yknow, making decisions.
So I'm gonna
and that is, procrastination.
Well, what dyou expect, I'm like, a grade A escapist who just so happens to master procrastination as well. (:
Live for the present, as Eugene O'Kelly preaches.
You don't know how much time you got.
If I waste most of my time now planning for the future,
what if the future never materialises? What then?
I know this idea totally contradicts my optimistic outlook on life, the kinda optimism that's picked me up from constant failures, but this is being rational about life.
If you're too caught up looking into the future, and the divine power above suddenly decides to take that away from you, your future, what would you do?
I've come up with a fool proof 5 steps on how I'm gonna do it.
Or so, I hope.
- Write letters to everyone I've ever met in my entire life. Apologising for wrongs I may have done, reminisce old times, but in a truly self-centred egocentric way, to give them a good last memory of me.
- I'll take the first flight out to Mecca because well, I confess, I haven't exactly been a very good Muslim and I dread to know what I might face at the other side.
- Spend the last of my days seeing the world. Seriously, being stuck here in Singapore most of my life, there isn't much I'm exposed to.
- Burn all the embarassing secret diaries I stash at the bottom of all my valuable collected things.
- Eat.
To be honest, I wanted to come up with 10 steps `cos 10's a nicer number than 5 but thinking of death is no easy feat.
and this is coming from someone who is thantaphobic (read fear of death) .
A hundred times more difficult, I assure you that.
But I shouldn't let that get in the way of living, I know. (:
No worries, despite all my talks on hara-kiri and katanas, I'm really not suicidal. (:
And I my obsession with clean perpendicular lines and shiny surfaces rules out any hope of bloody suicide thoughts ever crossing my mind.
Gosh, I'm obsessed. -.-
>11:04 PM
I'm feeling terribly bored and lazy,
despite it being a Friday night.
And despite the fact that I love Fridays.
But anyway, I tried running again today, with Deena.
and I totally died, even though I barely ran like, 4 rounds!
I feel loserrific. That's terrific! -.-
And yes, that is sarcastic, by the way.
Pictures! Pictures!
Corporate wear Mondaaaaayyyyy!
And why the hell does the corruptor look like she's terrified of me??
How can this be??
Daammmmnnn, I look uh, lusty.
XD hahah!
And I never thought the day will come so soon when I will re-embrace my green identity.
I guess no matter how hard I try, I just can't run away from that dreaded colour!
Go GREEN people, WEAR GREEN!
And Michael will say, "Go team Michael!"
My classmates, as usual, take a freaking long time to settle down and all,
so by the time I left, it was 1pm sharp.
Hahah, and I was supposed to meet Jeremy at Serangoon MRT at 1pm.
I should stop telling myself that Serangoon MRT station is only a few minutes walk from school.
It's actually further than I think it is! Grrh!
And I should quit caffeine altogether for the torture it gives me!
It tastes damn good and clears my head for like, 0.2 seconds and then I'll start getting odd throbbing sensations all over my head.
And my eyes will start losing their focus.
Okay, that's probably a tad exaggerated, but I ain't lying!
It happens all the time!
I always wondered what it would feel like to live on impulse.
But seeing how long I take to make decisions, I doubt I'd ever succeed at it.
On a random note,
SAVE GAIA!
>10:17 PM
The week has been an eventful one.
But all I can think of is how tired I am, physically.
I feel drained. Totally drained.
I wonder if the 2 Us for Math and Physics and the other sure to come U for Chemistry are enough to warrant a hara-kiri.
But I shall purge all suicidal thoughts from my head and channel it instead into more months of mugging.
Yesterday was the learning journey trip to BMTC.
And of course, we coudn't take photos, because it's a goddamned military training facility!
But it was all worth it.
(:
I got to handle a real AR15!!
It's fkin' cool, really!
And I shot a virtualised version of the M16, everyone's favourite rifle, of course. -.-
Yeah, it was a real life-size M16, but connected to some sort of cable.
So when you shoot the virtual target, you only hear 10% of the actual sound and experience only 10% of the recoil.
Or so, according to Mr Willy Wonka. (:
The classmates and I shot about 3 rounds each!
Actually, the other girls refused to touch it somehow, so we owned the place.
The first ones up and the last ones to leave. x)
The virtual shots with the M16 was cool and all, but there's no denying that I need much much much more training if I intended to ever carry that gun.
4kg when it's unloaded seems like a pretty light thing to carry in your arms,
But holycrap, I just realised about how heavy it is when I woke up with my right upper arm sore this morning.
But then again, I could almost bet my screwed-up midyear marks that my bag was heavier than that damned rifle!
An ar15 feels a little smaller and lighter although it's about the same thing.
Feels better holding an ar15, seriously. (:
Okaaaaaay, I just realised I was gushing about guns like an excited NSboy, albeit a bimboticised one.
I guess it sure beats one of those Little India expeditions we had as Learning Journey in primary school.
Oh. and I forgot to blog about Monday,
we had to come to school in formal/corporate wear.
I stole one of my sister's shirts, and when I was getting ready in the morning,
my mum said to me, "You look like a man!!"
My own mother!
What did I do to deserve this!? XD
In typical NY spirit, only about 10% (if not less) of the student population turned up in formal wear.
but, whatever, I've got to stop caring about trying to fit with the majority, it just screams a lack of originality on my part.
And some person decided it'd be fun to come and slack in NY. -.-
God knows who gave him that idea.
And I do realise I just came up with a horribly written post, that is totally unworthy of a so-called journalist for an award winning publication.
I'll rectify it some other day when the sky is blue instead of black and my head's cleared up. (:
Libellés : AR15, corporate, learning journey, M16
>11:52 PM
Yes, I admit, I am kinda slow.
But whoohoo.
At last, at long long long last, midyears have bid us a sweet goodbye.
I'm not certain that I will pass Physics given the horror that met me for Paper 3.
But at least the most important thing is, I didn't feel stupid after finishing Papers 1 and 2.
For the first time in the whole span of the evil invention called exams, I didn't feel like they made a mistake giving me a pass in O levels.
Thank you Physics for making the ending a nice one.
Well anywayyyy,
after Physics, the corruptor and I, tired as we were, and craving for much-needed sleep, decided to have a coffee session, albeit without the coffee because I already had one that morning.
I'm trying to limit myself to one bad tasting can of coffee a day. (:
So understandably, before we barely got into full swing, we were tired and yawning.
And Miss So certainly got her fair share of sticks. (:
We ventured to J8 but deemed it too boring to spend endless hours in.
So homesweethome was the best place to go.
I caught a sneakpeak of Miss So yawning.
A picture that I can bet my screwedupexams that she will love to hack into my account for the sole purpose of removing it. (:
The keychain is oh-my-god, so cute, I couldn't stop fondling it.
Miss So, you were right, you will eventually find out what pictures I took . (:
The next day, I had breakfast with the evil genius, Number 29 (:
I missed her like crap,and geographical distance didn't help much either.
But anyway, we went to TM and saw this Hokkaido exhibition.
I'm not one to try out exotic food and the smell just killed me.
Squids stuffed with rice smelt like something else altogether.
And the crowd, ohmygod, the crowd.
You'd have thought they were giving out free things.
But then again, TM is always crammed and full of busy shoving people who loved hogging the escalator by standing in large groups in front of them.
The evil genius looks surprisingly tame here.
And I asked a stupid question, "Why do you look smaller in the pictures, it's not fair!"
-.-
"That's because you are!! "
We were so tired from walking around aimlessly and couldn't find a better bench to rest our big overindulged bums, so we decided to sit with Barney&co. (:
hahah.
Reliving Barney childhood memories.
Nevermind that I absolutely detest Barney,
it didn't stop No.29 from shoving me to sit with him and stealing my phone to take the photo. -.-
It's been a great day, what with Transformers with Shirin that afternoon.
(:
Daammnn.
I've to meet up with these people more.
They never fail to make my day.
Libellés : Christine, shirin, shirlyn, transformers
>4:36 PM
My head hurts and my wonderfully impeccable sense of optimism is telling me that downing a couple of painkillers would make the world a brighter, happier place to live in.
But then again, I should abstain from those nasty euphoria-inducing pills. (:
The headache's probably due to the fact that I spent the whole day devouring some literary garbage.
I've been thinking;
if only I set about devouring my school books with say, half the fervour I put into doing all things academically unrelated, I might actually start passing some subjects and stop seeing so much red all the time.
And yes, no wordplay or exaggeration involved there.
(:
I don't read, says my mum, I devour books.
And I will not mention the title of the book I was reading because it is just downright embarassing.
I read literary trash for the fun of it, when I need to get my mind of other things, like, school, for one.
And yes, you spotted me making excuses for myself.
And by the way, have you noticed people usuing the words pigeonhole more often these days?
Anything that resembles a cubby hole, in shape if not in size is called a pigeonhole.
To be honest, I find that term revolting.
And of course, I have my own personal reasons for it. (:
But seriously, looking at the sizes of those pigeonholes these days,
I have serious doubts as to whether a real pigeon can even fit half its fat bosom in it.
I happen to absolutely abhor pigeons and their general squatness.
And that excuse, I hope, should sufficiently explain my obvious dislike of that term.
Anyway, I wished people would think more before coining odd but ordinarily innocent terms.
It works my mind to such a state. (:
Libellés : ordinarily innocent
>9:21 PM
If I can't even be totally honest with my so-called best friends, what does that say about the kind of person that I am?
Does it make me a tremendously reclusive person?
Or does it mean that I just like my privacy?
Does it make me a tremendously reclusive person?
Or does it mean that I just like my privacy?
As far as I know, I'm not the kind of person to have things left unsaid.
Nor am I the kind of person who says things just for the sake of pleasing people.
But as I said, as fas as I know.
Maybe my knowledge of myself really isn't that deep,
because, sometimes, I get taken aback by people explaining to me my own character.
"You're not the kind of person to ... "
And then I'll think, 'I'm not???!!'
A very good friend of mine once said to me, "don't worry about it, you'll do fine. "
I was rather stumped.
How was it that she was able to predict my future?
Sure enough, I did get through that episode in question but how was she to know, back then, when I was at my wits' end?
And everytime after that, when I feel that the world has turned against me,
(girls might recognize this to be PMS)
I'd think of those words, and with optimism as a virtue, grit my teeth and persevere.
Friends who seem to know me better than I know myself are fine by me.
But the real problem arises when expectations emerge.
As with old relationships, expectations double, triple, or even quadruple with every year of friendship.
I am but human. And as a homo sapien, I am susceptible to change.
Being a goodfriend of yours does not, unfortunately, make my character evolution stop.
Change is inevitable, change is constant.
----------------------------------------
Anyway, I was browsing through the library and found this book about 365 days of a year and the historical events that happened.
Like anyone would, I flipped to my birthdate.
Surprise, surprise!
I share the same bithdate as Jacob Grimm of the Grimm Brothers.
Well, it stated in the book, the Father of fairy tales.
He was born in 1785, in Germany, if I wasn't mistaken.
And went on to become a prolific writer of his own right before working with his brother to produce the all-time famous, the Grimm Brothers' Fairy tales which comprised of Snow White, Cinderella and the sorts.
For the uninitiated, no, Snow White and Cinderella was not produced by Walt Disney.
Walt Disney merely reinvented it, coming up with glamourous illustrations and dub these fairytale princesses the Disney Princesses.
I went browsing through the supermarket the other day, (to de-stress, you understand?)
and found this oatmeal cereal that says this at the its back panel;
"In 1675, Sir Isaac Newton, inspired by nature, was busy forming his Theory of gravity. Equally inspired by nature, this is the year when mornflake milling history began!"
And I got to thinking, 'this guy is responsible for most of my heartaches and headaches, do I reaaaaally want to buy a cereal pack that has his name on it?'
Tsk.
The things people do for marketing strategy. =.=
Libellés : Jacob Grimm, Newton
>2:20 PM
Christine insisted that we have a proper conversation with no mention whatsoever of horrifyingly amusing topics that would have gotten this blog worthy of an R-rated ban by MICA.
And I was as usual, just plain amused.
Afterall, this was as proper as conversations with Christine can get.
c s x t inee; i do admit to myself. (: _storberry* says:
time to steer ourselves to proper conversation
blackout says:
THIS is proper enough. As proper as you can get, in fact
c s x t inee; i do admit to myself. (: _storberry* says:
it's all the name of entertainment =x
blackout says:
Entertainment eh? What kind are you talking about ?
I'm more interested in the dimmed lights kind
What about you?
c s x t inee; i do admit to myself. (: _storberry* says:
i like those in the darkness
blackout says:
Dimmed lights are great, yknoww
PERFECT for those moves to be uhm. highlighted
c s x t inee; i do admit to myself. (: _storberry* says:
u can catch glimpses, and guessing at their identity is oh-so-thrilling
And we're talking about theatre, of course!
>11:56 PM