Trust Jeremy to freak out about something like this.
" khad's only a year older than me .
and her SISTER'S GETTING MARRIED .
surrending to society's wishes and succumbing to the husband .
ohwell I guess its gotta happen .
but geez . my friend's sis is
getting married .
GAAAH .
it makes my life seem so short .
well it IS short
has been .
will be .
no- wait .
I take that last one back .
but yeahhh .
growing old omg "
Yes. I know. He's freaking out when it's my sister.
The fear of growing old.. is that ageophobia? Hahah.
Ohwell, life's like that eh.
>7:09 PM
While having lunch with the mother one day, she started asking odd questions like which friend got what school;
a topic which I am, in all honesty, very very very sick of.
Upon hearing that most of my good 'ol friends got into Uni, (read: NUS/NTU), she asked,
"Don't you feel sad that all your friends made it to U?"
I could see where this topic was heading, so I replied, nonchalantly, "No, I'm happy for them."
Not satisfied with my answer, she tried again, "But don't you feel sad that you're not going to U?"
At this point of the conversation, I felt somewhat chagrined; I thought she would've understood by now but evidently, she did not. So I said,
"Why would I feel sad? I'm happy; I am where I want to be."
I know she's trying to be supportive sometimes but I guess she doesn't really understand.
I know in my gut this is what I want, so to hell with what anyone else says.
Well, mother,
I'm sorry I cannot fulfill your dreams;
I'm too busy living mine.
>5:46 PM
"Only after disaster can we be resurrected
It's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything
Nothing is static
Everything is evolving
Everything is falling apart
This is your life "
I think "This is your life" from Fight Club is the bestest song ever. All thanks to Jeremy for having introduced it to me. (:
But check out the lyrics..
"You have to give up
You have to realise that someday you will die
Until you know that, you are useless.
I say let me be never complete
I say may I never be content
I say deliver me from Swedish furniture
I say deliver me from clever art
I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
I say you have to give up
I say evolve and let the chips fall where they may
This is your life
Doesn't get any better than this"
I guess it's an apt reminder for those among us who count the phrase "life sucks" as one of their favourites.
It really is your own life, you are your own person, you reap what you sow.
But of course, the purpose of the song is not to make everyone feel useless.
Interpret it as you may, but I prefer to believe that the song instead highlights the inportance of pushing yourself to a purposeful life.
Because if not, you're just .. "a part of the compost heap"
Despite everything, I still think life's been reaaaally good to me.
I have my downright shitty days but y'know.. if you try hard enough, you could even convince yourself that the greys in the clouds are really the silver lining.
And yes, I just blew 5oo bugs on nothing. But hey, it was an investment, I guess.
Speaking of investments... I wonder if the sisters would agree that blowing half my monthly wage on a bag and new shoes would count as an investment.
Hmm.. and I need more clothes!
Heheheh *rubbing hands with glee* GSS, here I come!
>11:12 PM
What is up with people closing the lift door on me these days??
Yesterday, I was waiting at the lift, alone, and then, this girl and her maid joined me, and then a man in his thirties joined us and last but not least, a nyonya who I am sure has not reached sixty yet joined us.
Being the gracious person I am, when the lift came, I stayed outside, holding the door open for everyone else to get in first, despite being the first one who waited for the lift.
And then they all took their time to get in, shuffled about, and despite there being only 4 medium sized (and even tiny, as in the case of the girl and her maid) people, they were taking a hell lot of time to settle in.
When I was trying to enter the lift, the man refused to move in, in fact, he was staring down at me wondering why the hell am I still holding the door open.
So I let go of the Door Open button to shuffle into the lift and he still refused to budge, directly blocking me, while standing 0.000005mm from the lift door frame. I couldn't get in!
What made my blood boil was what happened right after...
The nyonya who by now, was standing at the lift control buttons in the lift, just stared at me standing in the lift door frame, I saw her finger on a button, but I was pretty sure it was the Door Close button, because the bloody lift closed on me, I had to elbow the door to make it open again.
It was at this point of time where the man realised that I can't possible fit into the 0.000005mm of space despite me being slimmer than he, and inched deeper into the lift.
I couldn't be bothered with giving them a glare, but I was just thinking over and over in my mind, so this is how Singaporeans react towards kindness?
Today, walking towards the lift, I saw that it was already open.
While people were pouring out, there was this group of siblings ( I know this because they look like carbon copies of each other) who were trying to squeeze in.
The youngest girl, I believe she is no more than 6 or 7, she rushed to take control of the buttons.
She saw me approaching and pressed hard on the Door Close button!
Such that the lift doors literally almost clamped down on both sides of my nose!
Her maid scolded her and pressed the Door Open button for me.
But throughout the short ride to the third floor, she was staring daggers at me!
And when the lift door closed after the whole company got off, she stood in front of the lift window, glaring at me as the lift went up.
I don't know why people are so mean towards me when the lift is in the way but in the case of the girl, she was probably just jealous of my bubble tea.. (:
>8:13 PM
I got the above from Ain's blog, and did my own. (:
Hmmmm.. So maybe I made the right decisions.
On the other hand, I think I'll be sitting on my hands these 2 weeks.
I've fallen in love with the black and thinking about it gives me butterflies in my stomach.
My aunt tells me to spread my wings to fly but mum is not agreeing...
I guess it's really up to me now..
>10:15 PM
I thought a 'no' was easier to say/do than the whole package + causing my stomach to jump up to my throat + an hour long lecture to which I blocked out most of it. Okay, maybe I can be an idiot, but hey, I thought he already knew that.
It feels like PMS on a grand scale. Like, ten thousand times worse than normal PMS.
"Who am I to say this situation isn't great
when it's my job to make the most of it.. "
Absolutely Zero, by Jason Mraz
I went down to the admin office although I really didn't feel like being there. I had no desire of being stuck in a Nanyang institute again, but who's to say what becomes of the future, eh? Hope lies entirely on the shoulders of Next Friday. Worse still, this Nanyang family member extorts an exorbitant amount of money under the pretense of it being used for "Administration Fees". But oh! for the sake of education!
At the office, I saw many other students-to-be who came with their gaggle of friends or their concerned parents and I just felt . empty . And for the first time in my life, I wished that I was 21, instead of my barely there age now. Why oh WHY did Singapore have to have a policy that requires parents to sign indemnity forms for children under 21? Trust me, while I may have lost most of my mature thoughts due to spending too much time with kids, I am totally NOT a child who needs parents signatures on consent forms to decide my future!
I gave her an FIB worksheet and there was a sentence which went,
"Nama kawan baik saya ialah ____" I translate ..
"My best friend's name is ____"
To which she started a whole story about who has recess with her, who shares the same hobby as her and as a result, came up with a list of no less than 6 names!
And then she asked, "How many best friends do you have?"
"None," I said, "I have many very very good friends, but none I consider the best."
And then she looked at me with sympathy, patted my arm and said, "It's okay! You still have me!"
I smiled and said to her, "You're still very young."
"But you're young too!" she retorts.
To which I replied, "How old do you think I am?"
"Hmm. Maybe, twenty-five?" she replies in a totally innocent way.
I gave a big guffaw in reply but she didn't understand what was so funny about it, so she just waved it away, and started her life story on which friends are good to her in school.
Trust kids to make your day in one sentence and totally insult you in the next. Hahah!
Yes, A, I know I still have you. (:
>5:35 PM