she heard her name.
went to the registration desk.
the first question the nurse on duty asked her,
"are you single or married?"
her response, O.O
"single!!"
does she look like she's married??!
her mum standing behind her?
-.-
she entered the doctor's room.
immediate reaction, O.O
and then, wondering, 'where's the doctor?'
'don't tell me that ah-beng there is the doc?!'
turns out, he is.
he looked barely in his 30s
if her french teacher, monsieur chan has NOT reached thirties yet
chances are, so is this doc.
that is not the most comforting thought for her.
a so-called specialist? barely 30?
what is the world coming to?
the polyclinic people forgot to give her the x-rays.
and thus, she went there to see him.. for nothing!
he couldn't do nuts without it
just about confirming her doubts about him graduating from med school
but still, dont know what he did.
tugged her leg this way, then that.
then, keep poking her knee until he could fine which part hurt
when he found the painful part. he poked HARDER!
he can't see her grimacing
still. poked as he did, he couldnt give a prescription.
another whole pack of painkillers. -.-
the girl shall live a pain-free life with all these painkillers she got.
about enough to last a year -.-
anyone needs painkillers?
you know who to ask =D
>10:16 PM
she had a long talk with her mum
nono.
more like, monologue.
it really is quite odd that the girl can be so chatty at home and so quiet in school
erm, wait. no, not quiet. just, less talkative.
she doesn't monologue as much in school.
and even then, only to certain people.
like, with yvonne, she can monologue for hours. =D
sometimes, with stacey as well.
but really, the person she can talk most to is mas.
utter randomness.
when in the mood, she can jump from one topic to the next with no relevance at all.
=D
hmm.
finally, tomorrow is 28th feb.
she has an appointment with some bone doctor tomorrow.
and thus will not be coming to school.
doubt school will be any different without her.
only thing she is happy about is missing the utterly boring physics tutorial.
and while tuesdays are the longest and most tiring days, thanks to pe,
she doesn't really want to skip tennis training.
she has been thinking...
just who is she trying to fool?
what is she trying to prove?
what is the purpose of all this...?
why does she do the things she does?
so many questions...
no one to answer them for her.
something else she has been thinking about:
maannn does she miss fast food.
it's been like, a month since she last ate fast food?
and about 2 months since she last ate KFC!
she keeps going to swensen's.
rich girl? -.-
nahh, she just has very nice friends
=D
>11:40 PM
she went to parkway parade yesterday.
her sister got a new phone
BUT her sister has to pay mum monthly installments =D
she had a great time
and maaann, is she getting sick of swensen's
not much variety of food.
but no, she will NEVER be sick of apple crumble =)
the thing with this girl is that, she only spends on food.
she doesn't spend her money on things that she really needs.
and the reason why she finally bought a shoebag was because her mum paid.
she is soooo cheapskate -.-'
it's a red-black NIKE shoebag
sorry adidas, but ur design was just not appealing =P
>3:56 PM
the girl is going out. =D
with her mum and her sis.
she misses the outings where there's only her sis, her mum and her.
she's growing further and further away from her family
has to do something about that.
cut down the time she spends online, maybe?
nahh. ><
she'll find some other way =P
YEAAAHH!! first time out in sooo many months =D
life is good
XD
>2:21 PM
KI aptitude test
next tuesday.
the girl will need to inform mr.seah that she will not be coming to school that day.
it is, unfortunately the same day as her appointment to cgh.
the girl has almost been looking forward to this date.
where she gets MORE advice on her knee -.-
and what she is really hoping for is that the doctor convinces her mum that she really can do sports.
and back to KI, the girl really can't believe that christine will not be taking KI!
and ming kwang and samuel!
they've been a bunch of fun people to slack with while the rest of her class went for GP.
trying hard to convince herself that all things change.
yes, physical things, like the timetable change.
and so does metaphysical things, like minds.
coping with changes has never been her strong point.
re-adapting may take her some time.
but still.... life goes on.....
>8:04 PM
just now the girl went rock climbing.
she had a fun time.
but they only had an hour of climbing
cos chirin had to go home by 7
yea. and that's shirin.
the utterly long person who only needed to step on the first tile to reach the top.
no challenge for tall people.
but a great challenge for the girl.
her hand hurts now.....
>8:29 PM
the college is not so rich after all
tennis girls' may not be formed after all.
and the girl will be cca-less now.
the problem is mainly that the school does not want to fund them.
how totally cheapskate of the school.
ok, so maybe they're not very super at tennis
but the coach is willing to train them.
and they are willing to learn.
$40 an hour. 2 hours. once a week.
the guys train 2-3hours. 3 times a week.
you calculate.
>7:49 PM
she managed to finish the essay.
a whole 2 days before the deadline.
maannn does this girl feel happy. =D
aaaannnddd she even managed to write more than the stated number of words.
truly an accomplishment for her.
and here it is:
in ENGLISH of course. xD
I decided not to post the French version. Horrigibly broken french. X)
Marriage no longer plays it's traditional role in modern day society.
Marriage is a traditional ceremony that unifies 2 people like a contract thats lasts for as long as they live. that is to say, 2 people who marry, promise to accept, respect, love and tolerate each other for their whole life together.
in the olden days, the role of marriage is so that the men have families to look after. at that time, a man was considered as successful if they can manage their career and at the same time, look after their families. for the women, the role of marriage is for financial security. this is very important as women in those days do not work and rely entirely on the support of the husbands or the family. most of the time, the family of the women arrange their marriage for them and they would have no other choice bu to accept.
however, this is not the case today. now, most women work and no longer need to depend on their spouses for money. they have money of their own and are emancipated at so, do not need to marry for financial security. these days, people prefer to marry someone they love thus the decrease in the number of arranged marriages.
the role of marriage is different also. now, one marries to share one's life with another, to have legitimate children and sometimes to benefit from the tax reductions and bonuses that one can get from having a family.
many couples who get married today no longer believe that marriage has to last till the death. this is clearly evident as the number of divorce cases rise each year. for example, in quebec, the percentage of divorce have risen 57% from 8.8% in 1960 to 50.4% in 2002.
these days, people no longer marry for the same reasons as those in the olden days. thus, marriage no longer plays its traditional role in today's society.
=D
>2:42 PM
6AM in the morning.
grandma shouts at her, 'OI! WAKE UP! it's 6 already!'
she jolted awake.
eyes wide, she checked her phone..
6:06 a.m.
and started muttering, 'shit.. shit.. shit..'
then she remembered, 'today is wednesday! heck with school'
she was thinking, IF she got up, IF she rushed, she would still be late.
and IF she was late, she'd miss the first lesson.
and IF she missed the first lesson, she only has one hour of lessons,
more specifically, lecture.
so why bother to go? =D
several minutes later, she was already back in dreamland
her mum entered the room.
'hey, you're not going to school?'
she answered, half asleep, 'naah. don't feel like wasting my time today'
after all, it IS, technically, an hour of lessons only
still, she has french in the afternoon.
what a waste of a good day.
>2:32 PM
dilemma yet again.
she is not sure whether she should take KI or not.
whether she should take french or not.
whether she should take chem or not.
decisions, decisions and MORE decisions.
and if there's one thing that the girl sucks at;
it's making decisions
and she can't do survey again.
gahh. wait and see. ><
>2:55 PM
yesterday. she went bowling with her og.
at farrer park; wherever that is.
only ten people turned up.
she quite expected that.
only the usual people turned up. -.-
but edy and trina at least made the effort to join them.
she had a fun time bowling.
she STILL can't figure out how she gets the ball curved
she drives everyone crazy, including herself when the nicely aimed ball suddenly curves out in the end.
many ended up in the gutter. -.-
she totally doesnt understand how norman got three strikes in a row. -.-
frigging cheater ><
still. most important thing is they all had fun.
michelle, the OG outing was a success.
>9:40 PM
she is already half asleep
but something else is screaming out at her in her head.
and it goes something like this;
hey, two five, hey two five!
guessed it yet? (=
the traditional 25 pe tribal cheer.
yeah. she can hear samuel in the background,
going, 'hey, 0625, do tribal, do tribal!'
=D
love her class.
basketball with her class is almost the same as basketball with her 'gang'
full of funny incidents.
0625 rawks.
hmm.
they still have not taken a class photo.
>10:40 PM
today was the one's finals.
and she stayed back especially to watch.
and support her OGLs.
they performed in the group category.
and she thinks they rock.
especially dazzard dusk (=
what she really doesn't understand is how they did not win.
apparently rock did not appeal to the judges
and it was unfortunate that the score was 70% based on judges' decision
she watched it with her OG members.
with glen screaming 'suren' every few minutes
really really cracked her up. XD
OG seventeen rawks totally.
BUT she still thinks that it'll be more fun if more people were involved
like, for O1, when the whole OG had to stick together...
seventeen spirit really came out strong
now. only about 10 people are still 'together'
basically, these people are those who turn up for OG lunches and outings
the girl. michelle. archi. mervis. suren. glen. norman. bronson. stacey. pei ying.
and.. pei ying has left them all..
and.. norman may be leaving too..
she will miss them lots.
this week, she really felt what it was like without pei ying.
every morning, she'll be the first at the grand stand
previously, it's pei ying who reaches first.
it's been only a week but she misses pei ying terribly
it's very very very very sad.
to build very strong bonds with these people.
and have the ties severed so suddenly.
one thing she hates: losing friendship.
it's enough that she had to say goodbye to her friends. her 'gang'.
and now, she has to say goodbye to some of the people that she has become so close to.
but as they all say: this is life.
>10:22 PM
yes. you saw the time right. and it IS in sg time.
the girl decided to grant herself early dismissal for today.
she reached home at 10.30. =D
in a way, she did not skip any lessons.
cos she ended lessons already
and assembly is dumb.
BUT she still has to go for french later -.-
and she hasn't finished her homework.
let's hope she can finish it by 1 =D
>11:44 AM
she is in a dilemma
ok, so far, she decided..
TJC
NYJC
MJC
SAJC
CJC
TPJC
PJC
SP
JJC
IJC
AJC
SRJC
yea. tell her it's weird. but she doesn't really care.
hmm. the poll is giving 8 for NY and 8 for MJ. not really helping much.
and thus, she just decided that since she's used to NY, then NY it is
besides, most of her JC friends are staying.
gahh. her mum doesnt really like NY, but heck.
her mum knows nuts about NY anyway. at least, most people do.
>11:04 AM
just because she's not crying and depressed
does NOT mean that she's not disappointed
her mum thinks that she's happy with her results.
she's NOT!
she just thinks it's too late.
whatever it is, she has to be contented with it.
it's all over, she can't turn back time.
she's happy enough with it.
why can't her mum just be happy with her?
why can't her mum just accept the fact that she did not study enough?
if her mum is disappointed,
well, the girl has only this to say:
she doesn't know what it feels like
she doesn't know what it is like to fail.
she did not go through the process of self doubt
and consistently having to put up a brave front
when is she going to show her mum her results?
she does not know.
she wonders if she even wants to.
if it's just going to make her mum make her feel worse
what is the point?
either way, it'll end badly.
let time do its thing
>5:05 PM
fourteen
English - B3
French - B3
Higher Malay - A2
Mathematics - A2
Additional Mathematics - A2
Combined Humanities - B3
Biology - B3
Chemistry - A2
Physics - B3
it is really very amazing how she managed to get a distintion for chem
she has been failing the subject ever since she first took it.
and so an A2... hmm. amazing
first, when she signed for the slip, her hands turned cold. her heart was beating.
she reached the table, then mrs. chan said, 'khadija? u did well'
still holding her breath, she nodded her head and walked away.
she flipped the paper and scanned the slip.. ABBABAABB
she was overjoyed. no Cs!!
and then... she remembered.. chemistry?
scanned through... A2!! woohooo!!
she felt vibration. her mum was calling.
mum: how?
girl: i got fourteen. and i got A2 for chem!!! can u believe that?!!!
mum: A2? how many A1s?
girl: *starting to feel down* none.
mum: why so bad? until fourteen? then how?
girl: *shouting* Can you not be like that?! im so happy i didn't fail anything! and then, you talk to me like that!
mum: don't need to shout, right? then how? what are you going to do with results like that?
girl: *silence*
mum: eh, hello? u listening to me?
girl: mmm.
mum: how much ur friends got? how much did Lina get?
girl: i dunno. haven't talked to them. u called me before i could ask them.
mum: ok
she ended the conversation before her mum could depress her any further.
she was so pissed that her mum was being so insensitive. really. fourteen? thats not so bad.
everyone is telling her she did well.
except the one person that really mattered.
she did not go straight home after that. she did not feel ready to face her mum.
she went with Mas instead.
Mas's mother drove them to tm where they had late lunch at bk.
and then. she was wondering...
she really did not want to go home. and mas had to leave already.
split second decision, she followed mas home (=
which turned out not to be a bad thing after all.
on the way to mas's house, (Mas's mum drove them home, of course)
her aunt called. when she heard that the girl got 14, she was happy.
she offered to treat the girl to dinner at swensen's (=
ok, so the girl just went to swensen's yesterday. but who cares? XD
she had banana split and apple crumble for dessert!!!
omg, she loves her aunt =D
hmm. she feels better now.
thanks to the ice-cream.
many thanks to Mas and her aunt for trying to cheer her up =D
>9:50 PM
okok.
the o lvl results are coming out in 3 hours and the girl is... well.
she's doing fine.
she has a way of detaching her mind from all things important.
that seems to work well for public speaking or presentations.
she appears to be confident, stand straight, look at the audience and all that
but really, she's shaking inside.
hmm, that public speaking course was of much use to her after all.
according to the instructor, mr erm, whatshisname.. harris! yeah, harris
according to him, the audience dont really care if you're shaking
what they care about is that u deliver it well.
hmm. no, he did not really say that. but well.. she can't remember
anyway, she wishes all the best to people receiving their results
and hopefully, she'll be able to update her results here....
meaning, if they're good enough.
if they're not....
well, let's not think about it.
ok, so maybe results dont really matter
but that doesnt really help her confidence much at the moment.
and she realises why.
it may not be important to her.
but just yesterday alone, so many people called and wished her luck.
-.-
to tell them that she sucked would not really be very nice...
ah well.... all the best to the girl
and to everyone else (=
>11:17 AM
lets give a few random facts about the girl
- she is a girl. duh -.-
- she doesnt really have a big grudge against green, only, tries to avoid the colour
- she is bored right now.
- she is STILL in the library
- her wrist is hurting thanks to tennis
- she LOVES tennis
- she cant bear to quit just because her ligament has worn off
- she is stubborn
- she seems like she knows what you're saying most of the time even though she's clueless
- she can stone damn well
- dont talk to her when she's stoning or you'll get ignored
- she takes a long time to think
- but she's not slow. only, mentally preoccupied >.<
- she is thinking twice about going for training today
- she hates physical training
- she hasn't washed her running shoes yet and cleverly brings a shoebag instead of wearing it to school ><
- she is no longer obsessed with chocolates, although she still LOVES chocolates to bits
- the best valentine's gift anyone could give her is a large family block of cadbury's milk chocolates *hint hint*
- her friends don't usually know what is going on in her head
- her friends think that she is mean?
- but she thinks that bullying friends is a form of expressing your affection XD
- she keeps her distance even with friends
- she is known among her friends as being the expressionless and emotionless person
- she has never cried because of bad results.
- she tried to once, but tears did not flow -.-
- she thinks that crying is a waste of time
- she thinks that sentiments are a waste of time
- and yet, she wants to be loved, she wants to be cared for
- she likes the colour blue
- she used to have a blue bottle, blue bag, blue shoes, blue shoebag, blue shirt, blue jeans.. though not anymore
- she has been hogging the com in the library for the past hour or so.
- she hopes to be an architect
- her dad was hoping to be an architect too
- but he stopped at diploma level.
- her mum wants her to achieve her father's ambition
- but at the same time, wants her to be a doctor
- her mum wants her to be everything- lawyer, doctor, etc -.-
- her mum doesnt really care what her elder sister wants to be -.-
- she is easily bullied. (ironic, but true)
- she recently let a whole group of aquaintances cut her queue at the food stall.
- she doesnt express her anger very well. she just keeps silent about it.
- her younger sister can bully her into doing things
- she wants to play basketball like last time again
- she misses her friends
- she has an hour more to slack
- she has decided that she is going to do her tutorial now. XD
well, it is only 3 questions :D
>11:33 AM
its about 10.30 in the morning.
and the girl is online!
just how amazing is that?
that is all possible thanks to her superbly weird subject combi
2 hours of lessons a day?
no wonder JC life is not tiring for her at all
she can even get by with 5 hours of sleep a day =D
ok, so now, she's in the library.
supposed to finish up her tutorial but well.. the com looks so tempting
so as a J1 she's not supposed to have a windows pass yet
but she memorised the default password =D
and who the hell cares? she's not the only one using the comp anyway
slacking in the library. that phrase is just so ironic.
hmm, farah said that she's a mugger. -.-
slacking of all places, at the library
but really the library is damn nice. and freezing too.
bleaahhh. there is no point to this entry, really.
it's just to pass the time.
it's a real wonder that this comp has msn
BUT the sad thing is that, NO ONE is online!!
fine... glen is online, but he is IN SCHOOL!
which means, he left the com on as usual.
oh wait. did she even see him today in school?
today, for the first time in her whole schooling history.
she added a tiny scratch on her unblemished record.
she was late!
but then, so were 20 other people who were on the bus
frikking bus, had to break down.
so lucky that there were councillors among the 'latecomers'
and it wasnt really their fault.
and so.... most probably, it wont go on record. HAH XD
ok. hmm. what shall she do now.....
3 frikking hours! to wait!
it's so useless to stay back just for frikking assembly.
gahh. what choice does she have..
>10:23 AM
she is not in a particularly sociable mood today.
dunno how the hell is she supposed to conduct at interview for debate and journalism tomorrow.
why does she do this all the time?
she is like, pushing people away with what she's doing now
ok, she needs to talk. to socialise.
but all she ever does is stone.
really.
people all around her laughing and telling jokes
but she'll be sitting there, staring at some faraway place
okay. so she's not exactly feeling high these days
lets give it some time.
chocolates don't seem to work.
she had tennis training just now.
quite fun. although she cant seem to lock her wrist -.-
she also found it hard to turn her shoulder front and 'follow through'
o level results coming out on friday 2.30pm
she is trying not to think about it
however much she wants to stay at NY
if she does much better (as she hopes)
then, it's goodbye NY.
5 good reasons to stay:
- good studying atmosphere
- tennis!!
- friends
- good system
- she's used to it
5 reasons not to stay
- go to a better JC
- food in NY sucks
- too far
-
-
as you can probably see, she can't seem to find good enough reasons to make her leave NY
everything depends on her olvl results for now.
goodluck everyone >.<
>10:11 PM
today is a sunday.
the sun is shining, the trees are green, the air is clean.
okok, lets get to the point.
she is not feeling so good at the moment.
having doubts about herself.
she kept thinking, 'who the hell is she trying to fool?'
'she can't do this. nono, she can't!'
these people are all born gifted, with that spark in them.'
while she...
MAYBE she WAS smart.
but that was probably all gone, anyway
maybe it was a bad decision to go to her sec sch.
dont get it wrong, she loved that school.
for the opportunities they provide for their students.
fair chance for everyone.
BUT the thing is, there's no pressure.
and she definitely cannot work without pressure.
the teachers expected more of her.
she expected more of herself.
what happened? no one knows.
and now, she's faced with this.
not exactly discrimination. but well, more like, she's intimidated.
imagine this:
a whole class full of people wearing raffles badge.
would ANYONE not feel intimidated?
it doesnt help that most of them are pro at the language either
and so. she feels like terribly scared in class.
even afraid to speak up
for fear of what? no one knows
neither does she, i suspect
she needs a confidence boost!
something to tell her that she's not lousy!
>12:12 PM
she finally got a name for her condition.
osteo-arthritis
and that is, a cross between arthritis and osteoperosis
its usually common in elderly.
ok, and 17 is THAT old.
she got a refferal letter. to changi gen hospital.
to see a bone specialist, the doctor said.
and they hopefully be able to scan it. (i forgot the scientific name)
but basically, its a process whereby the doctors drill a hole into her knee
and clean it up?
obviously, that scared the shit out of her.
drill?!!
what the fikk is he talking about?!
whatever it is, she doesnt want to think about it.
yet.
>2:09 PM